Brian
woke up feeling weak but restless. His arms ached tremendously from the added
pressure of having blood forced in and out of them through transfusion tubes
the night before. His elbows and wrists were bruised and two IV’s still
remained, one in each arm.
He
heard someone at the door and saw the nurse enter the room carrying a digital
thermometer and some bandages.
“Please
don’t tell me that you have to clean it again?” he whined half-heartedly.
“It’s
okay honey.” The nurse said with a smile. “Dr. Lake is just going to examine
the cut then I’ll re-bandage it for you, if that’s okay.”
“That’s
fine.” Brian sighed in relief. “I just don’t want anymore of that Saline if I
can avoid it.” He teased. Dr. Lake walked in the room and approached Brian’s
bed.
“How
are you feeling this morning, Mr. Littrell?” he asked.
“I’m
exhausted.” Brian replied. “That transfusion was some major wear and tear.”
“I
can’t blame you.” The doctor said as he undid the top of Brian’s gown. “Let’s
see if we’ve begun to beat this infection, shall we?” He peeled the bandage off
of Brian’s chest and carefully eyed the cut. The nurse went ahead and checked
Brian’s temperature and blood pressure while the doctor worked. She recorded it
all on the chart and Brian lay, eyes closed as he waited to hear what the
doctor had to say about it all.
“It
looks like the swelling has gone down tremendously.” Dr. Lake stated. “The
redness is reducing as well. I think we’ve got a hold on it.”
“That’s
a relief.” Brian sighed. “You had me worried there for a minute.”
“No,
so far so good as far as the infection is concerned.” Dr. Lake added.
“Well,
is there anything else that I should be aware of?” Brian asked as the doctor
signed the chart.
“If
I find anything, you’ll be the first to know.” The doctor replied as he turned
to leave.
The
nurse quickly re-bandaged the cut for Brian and left him to rest.
“Well, it’s about time you got some good news around here.” Jessie added from the corner once they were alone in the room.
“No kidding.” Brian agreed. “I can’t believe how this is all playing out. I just know there’s something that doctor isn’t telling me though.” He sighed.
“What makes you think that?” Jessie askeed curiously.
“I’m not sure. Just a feeling, I guess.” He replied. He leaned back and took a deep breath.
“I really wish I had Nicky’s Play Station right now.” He sighed
“You wanna watch some TV?” she asked.
“Sure.” He said. “It’ll give me a chance to catch up on everything.”
Jessie turned the TV on with the remote and began flipping through the channels. She paused when she saw MTV and the words ‘BSB UPDATE’ flashing across the bottom of the screen.
“I bet they’re talking about you.” She said as she turned the volume up. A VJ cleared his throat before saying:
“An
official statement was made by Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson today about the
condition of his fellow BSB and cousin, Brian Littrell. Richardson reportedly
told the press that while Brian is recovering in the hospital from a near fatal
heart attack suffered a few days back, they are optimistic about his health.
Richardson went on to thank all of the fans for their continuing support and
prayers in this difficult time. He also stated that although complications have
arisen surrounding his cousin’s heart condition and bypass surgery, Brian
continues to fight. We at MTV wish Brian a quick recovery and hope he can
re-join the group in good health. Here’s a video for all of the BSB fans
watching out there tonight.”
Brian watched solemnly as the beginning of “Show Me The Meaning” began to show. He watched the ambulance pull up and then the camera zoomed in on a room where it showed Brian watching himself through a window. He watched as the doctors and nurses on the screen ran to his side in the fake hospital bed. He still couldn’t believe how well the make-up artists had done at making him look like death warmed over for the shoot.
“How appropriate.” He sneered.
“Do you want me to change it?” Jessie asked. He slowly shook his head no and continued to stare at the screen. The camera did a close up on the heart monitor and Brian glanced to his side to look at the real one next to him. Jessie caught a glimpse of a tear rolling down his cheek and she reached over and squeezed his hand softly. They both watched in silence as the screen showed Kevin and slides of his father. Jessie wanted so badly to say something about Jerald but bit her tongue. By the time the video was finished Brian was sobbing uncontrollably. Jessie turned the TV off and climbed up onto the bed next to him.
“It was only a video. It wasn’t really supposed to happen!” he cried.
“Brian, let’s just imagine for a moment that all of this was supposed to happen.” Jessie said. “What if it’s your destiny?”
“To be unhealthy?” he asked through his tears. “That’s bullsh-“
“No. Don’t you see? This doesn’t all have to be bad.” She replied as she wiped away one of his tears with her thumb.
Brian looked up at her and realized that there was some truth in her words. He sighed heavily and tried to calm his breathing. Jessie’s mysterious eyes seemed to gaze right through him, and in a way he knew they did. She had always seen past his tough guy act to the real man inside; the man who used denial to deal with his failing health, the man who admitted to being weak, and now, wasn’t even afraid to cry when he was scared.
Brian then realized that one good thing had come out of all of this chaos. He had been sent an angel.
“Maybe you’re right.” He said slowly, trying to regain his composure. “I’m being selfish.”
“No, you’re being human.” Jessie replied softly.
“But you’re above that, aren’t you now?” he asked, not really expecting an answer.
Brian took her hand and slowly pulled it toward him before gently holding it over his bandaged incision.
“Would you help me get to sleep?” he asked. Jessie smiled and humored him by sending a light cooling wave through his chest. His whole body relaxed and she smiled and kissed his forehead.
“Sleep tight, Brian.” She said sweetly.
“Thanks, Jes.” He replied before his eyes fell shut.
Jessie could feel his tender heart thumping through the bandage.
“If only you knew, Brian, how hard it is to look back on life and realize the things that you should have never taken for granted, like a heartbeat.” She sighed.